英語(yǔ)笑話爆笑

時(shí)間：2020-08-30 12:43:06 英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑

　　1、The mean man's party

英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?

　　吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客

　　一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，找中間那個(gè)門(mén)，然后用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴。門(mén)開(kāi)了之后，再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi)。”

　　“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢?”

　　“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧?”吝嗇鬼回答。

　　2、I think that I'm a chicken

　　Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

　　Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

　　Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

　　Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

　　精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服?

　　病人：我認(rèn)為我是一只雞。

　　精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時(shí)候開(kāi)始的?

　　病人：從我還是一只蛋的時(shí)候開(kāi)始。

　　3、Who Is the Laziest?

　　Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

　　Tom: I don't know, father.

　　Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

　　Tom: Our teacher, father.

　　中文：

　　父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過(guò)，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你個(gè)問(wèn)題。你們班上誰(shuí)最懶?

　　湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。

　　父親：啊，不對(duì)，你知道!想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫(xiě)字時(shí)，誰(shuí)在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課?

　　湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。

　　4、Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

　　Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

　　Johnson: "But I want you to."

　　Wife: "But why?"

　　Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

　　譯文：

　　老農(nóng)約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對(duì)妻子說(shuō)：“我死后，我想你嫁給農(nóng)夫瓊斯。”

　　妻子說(shuō)：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁給任何人。”

　　約翰遜：“但我希望你這么做。”

　　妻子：“為什么?”

　　約翰遜：“因?yàn)榄偹乖谝还P販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”

　　5、A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

　　一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問(wèn):"主啊, 一百萬(wàn)美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問(wèn):"那一百萬(wàn)年呢?"上帝說(shuō):"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過(guò)一秒鐘."

　　6、Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

　　"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

　　四個(gè)好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護(hù)士過(guò)來(lái)對(duì)第一個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說(shuō):"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達(dá)雙子隊(duì)的經(jīng)理."過(guò)了一會(huì)兒,護(hù)士過(guò)來(lái)對(duì)第二個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的'董事."最后,護(hù)士跑來(lái)對(duì)第三個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了2對(duì)雙胞胎."男人很開(kāi)心地說(shuō):"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻€(gè)都很高興,但第四個(gè)伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問(wèn)他有什么不對(duì)勁,他回答道:"什么不對(duì)勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

　　呵呵,一個(gè)比一個(gè)效率高.

　　7、Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

　　拉登,一加拿大人還有布什總統(tǒng)走在大街上看到一盞金色的燈.他們擦了擦燈出現(xiàn)了一個(gè)精靈.精靈說(shuō):"我要滿足你們每人一個(gè)愿望總共三個(gè)."加拿大人說(shuō):"我是個(gè)父親我兒子將成為農(nóng)夫,因此我想讓加拿大的土地永遠(yuǎn)肥沃."精靈說(shuō)了咒語(yǔ)愿望實(shí)現(xiàn)了.拉登看了很驚奇,他希望有座城墻圍繞阿富汗.精靈又說(shuō)了咒語(yǔ)愿望又實(shí)現(xiàn)了.布什總統(tǒng)問(wèn):"精靈請(qǐng)告訴我關(guān)于這座墻的事情."精靈回答:"墻厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何東西出不來(lái)外面的任何東西進(jìn)不去."布什總統(tǒng)說(shuō):"哇!那是座大橋耶...注滿水!!!"

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