最搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話3則

　　神父，他有AIDS

　　One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.有個(gè)女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪...Girl: Father, I have sinned.女孩：神父，我有罪。Preacher: What did you do, little girl?神父：孩子，你犯了什么罪呢?Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a "son of a Bitch."女孩：昨天，我罵了某個(gè)男人一句：“你這個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的。”Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?神父：為什么?他對(duì)你做了什么嗎?Girl: He touched my breast.女孩：他...他摸我的胸部。Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)神父：你是說(shuō)像這樣子嗎?(神父伸手摸女孩的'胸部)Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.女孩：(因?yàn)樯窀傅呐e動(dòng)而有一些害羞)嗯...是的。Preacher: That s no reason to call him that.神父：只是這樣子的話你沒(méi)有理由罵他。Girl: But he also took off my cloth.女孩：但是...他又把我的衣服脫掉。Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)神父：你是說(shuō)像這樣子嗎?(神父動(dòng)手脫掉女孩的衣服)Girl: Yes, that s what he did.女孩：是的，是這樣子沒(méi)錯(cuò)。Preacher: That s still no reason to call him that.神父：可是這樣子你還是沒(méi)有理由罵他。Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...女孩：然後...他把他的...那個(gè)...放到我的...那個(gè)...里面...Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)神父：(奸笑貌)你是說(shuō)像這樣子嗎?(神父和女孩就那個(gè)那個(gè)了)

　　Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that s what he did...女孩：(數(shù)分鐘後)喔...是的...就是這樣子...Preacher: My dear girl, that s still no reason to call him a...神父：我親愛(ài)的孩子，就算是這樣你還是沒(méi)有理由罵他「你這個(gè)...」Girl: But he had AIDS!!女孩：但是他有AIDS呀!Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!神父：那個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的!!!

　　魔鬼的妹夫

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬(wàn)圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹(shù)后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹(shù)后跳出來(lái)，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰(shuí)?”丈夫問(wèn)到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說(shuō)，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

　　A Man of Actions

　　A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening!”

　　A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him!” said another.

　　Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”

　　He bent and whispered to her, “Well,er???er???Miss Rose, er???he told me to get clean away from 　　Oxford this very evening!”

　　一群學(xué)生聚在牛津的校園里，一個(gè)年輕人情緒激動(dòng)地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那個(gè)家伙不收回他今早　　對(duì)我說(shuō)的話，我今晚就離開(kāi)牛津。”

　　下面一片喧嘩。“真是個(gè)言出必行的人。”一個(gè)人艷羨地說(shuō)。另一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我們要支持他、學(xué)習(xí)他。”

　　突然，一個(gè)女孩問(wèn)道：“那家伙對(duì)你說(shuō)什么了，霍波?”

　　他彎下腰小聲說(shuō)：“哦，呃…呃…，羅斯小姐，呃…他說(shuō)要我今晚從牛津滾出去。”

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